Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Right Solution
6.27.06

Have you ever felt so depressed because you were really working hard to achieve/get something and yet for unknown reasons, you always fail?.. That no matter how hard you try to reach a level, you only get disappointed more and more each time you do?.. Well if your answer is yes, then I hope this will help... :)

I remember our bowling class last Wednesday... There was a really beefed up guy there who had so much speed and power in his throws... but the irony is, it almost always got into the "kanal" of the lane. Now why is that?.. His form was great, he did the steps correctly, he had consistent power in his bowling ball... yet he never actually got what he aimed for... not even one strike...

Now I can relate this to one lesson I learned from a book by Joshua Harris... It said there that no matter how legalistic you may be in battling your struggles in life--failure, sin, and the kind--, no matter how willing your mind may be on winning... you will always fail... Why?... It's because only God can help you battle your sin... Some of you might think of this as rubbish, but I assure you it isn't.. You don't need to have a set of rules regarding it(such as "I won't do this" and the like) to win over your struggles.. All you need to do is ask Him to help you... I learned this lesson then and I now plan to apply it to my life for up to now, I like any other, am also fighting against sin..

Now in the first scenario, the bowling guy, we see that what he needed to get a strike wasn't hard work, (though clearly he needed it) but SKILL.. However, in the other situation (my struggle with sin), what I needed was something far more important and larger than skill.. I needed GOD... Now we can build up skill as we grow up through much practice and hard work, but how can one possibly "build up" God?... Well all I can say is that I know that by living up to His name, by serving Him with my whole being, and by my continual prayers of help from Him, I can one day be proud to say I have won over sin... For Jesus died on the cross to free us from sin, that we can still live a holy life even though we are naturally sinners.

Just recently I have had problems of my own with regard to wrong-placed expectations and expressing how I felt with someone.. Due to this, I now struggle with a mere mind occupying question... Should I go back to the "clam" I was, not expressing any emotion with anyone?.. Up to now, I am still uncertain if I have found the resolution to this situation... But I do believe that in cases like this--where you are left to wander your mind and left uncertain regarding answers-- ,we should turn to God and pray that He help us find soon enough what we are looking for----the right solution...

Romans 6:12-14 "Do not let sin control the way you live. Do not give in to it's lustful desires. Do not let any part of your body become a tool of wickedness, to be used for sinning. Instead, give yourselves completely to God for you have been given new life. Sin is no longer your master, for you are no longer subject to the law which enslaves you to sin. Instead, we are free by God's grace."

holding on to you. 8:09 AM

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Calling from Christ
5.28.2006

Around 11 or so in the evening, I found myself looking into the drawers for something. What was it? I didn't know, but still I continued searching. After a few, I found my friend's Christian audio cd. I borrowed it for the mere reason that it contained my favorite Christian song "Lean on Me". So when I saw it I immediately put it on the cd player and turned the track number to 3. At that time, I didn't know that the next couple of events would change my life probably permanently.

Flashback (not exact words)
(sometime late 2004)
..."tol first time kong magsisimba sa Christian church... wag mo ko pababayaan ah!.."
..."sure thing Gabe.. tara pasok na tayo.."
..."wow... Grabe namove ako dun... hey Mons, pwede ba magchurch pa ako dito sa mga susunod na linggo?"
(1/19/05)
..."Gabe, gsto mo bang lubusang makilala si Kristo?.."
..."huh?.. anu pong ibig niyong sabihin Kuya Mark?.."
..."kung gusto mong tnggapin si Christ sa loob mo just follow what I'm about to say... we're not forcing you.. kung ayaw mo, sabihin mo lng.. hindi kmi mgagalit or what.."
..."gusto ko po Siya tanggapin... gusto ko makilala Siya ng mas malalim....."
..."I'm glad to hear that... now just repeat everything I'm about to say and take this seriously..."

As I listened to the music, I realized that there were no other sounds heard within the vicinity. The dogs in the neighborhood were quiet for a change. The winds were not blowing hard enough to make the trees shake their leaves. The night was unnaturally still. And as the song ended, I found myself about to cry.
..."bakit?... bakit ako naiiyak?.."
I looked around my room. I saw my bible lying on the table. Then like a beat of a drum I remembered something...
..."oo nga pala, ngayon lang ako ulit nagsimba after a long LONG time..."

After that, things started to become clearer. I suddenly saw how messy my life was at the moment. That I needed Him badly in my life. That I was lost during the couple of months I stopped praying to Him... the couple of months I stopped spending even a minute of my time for Him... the couple of months I started sinning against Him.
Then like a child who lost his toy, I wept and prayed....
..."I'm sorry Lord... Please forgive me..." These were the only words I could utter during that wakening.

The song I was currently hearing was the same since I sort of set it on loop.
..."I am here
You don't have to worry
I can see your tears
I'll be there in a hurry when you call
Friends are there to catch you when you fall
Here's my shoulder you can lean on me..."

It was around 12:30am then. I told the first part of this story to someone I knew could help me. But to my surprise slash disappointment, he wasn't able to help me that night because of some earthly reasons. So the situation grew on me... I was listening to a song which states that I had someone to lean on, yet at that point of time I knew I for one didn't have a shoulder to run to considering the situation. (it was at the middle of night and morning)
..."I have to face this alone I guess..." I said to myself.

After a while (I had already stopped the music to feel the quietness of the world) and a long prayer, right before I slept, tears still going down my eyes, I smiled and whispered...

..."This is by far; the best day of my life... It took me a lot of mistakes and wrong turns to realize the true purpose of my life... And that is to serve the Lord with all my being... and in the process, SEEK Him..."

That night..... I had THE calling from Christ......

Mark 11:24 "Whatever you pray for, believe."

holding on to you. 6:29 PM

tada!! thanks to the help of a brother, i now have a blog.. hahaha.. thanks pito!! ayan.. i'll start posting in a few.. for those who will take time in reading my posts, thanks and i hope you will somehow be inspired after viewing them..

Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, then who can be against us?"

holding on to you. 4:48 AM